One Step at a Time

Moving back to Baytown, TX has not been easy. In fact, it's been downright hard! I wish that I could just close my eyes and open them back up and I will be sitting in my house in Colorado and that Julie will be on the way over with her kids and Kaylee will be out playing with her friends...that life would be just the way it was 5 months ago. Sometimes I will lay on my couch and close my eyes and pretend that I'm in the old house...I put the couch right where it used to be and see if I can really make it happen. It doesn't.

Our reasons for coming back will never change. Schools are losing so much money out there and it scares me for my children's futures. We missed being close to family. And we never found a church that we knew was home.

We love that our children will go to great schools here in TX. We know that they will be pushed to their limits and will go to college and be successful in whatever they do. We are grateful for that.

We LOVE being close to Mom and Dad again. It's a beautiful thing to watch our kids interact with their grandparents and know that these are memories that they will share with their children one day. I love that I can go see my Aunt and Uncle and it's like a little vacation with the whole Terry side of the family when I do that. It's home. I am blessed.

We are back at Second Baptist and we definitely know it's a great church and it is a church that you cannot just find anywhere Unfortunately, I feel farther away from God then I have felt in a long long time. This is especially where I feel like I just have to put one foot in front of the other. I just get up for church. I sing the songs. I keep the car radio on KSBJ. I pray with my children. And I seek Him. But I feel lost. I miss the fire. I expected it to come rushing back to me when we got back to Baytown...it hasn't. I am thankful for the foundation that I have built my life on and I know that I just need to keep seeking. I know, without a doubt, that God has not forsaken me...I just can't remember how to hear him.

I miss my Julie.

I feel sorry for myself right now.

And it all sucks!

So, I have decided to go with the flow. If someone asks me to do something, I just say yes. Go to the pool with you this week? Sure, I'ld love to! A ladies night out at church? I'll go and see who I'll meet up with. Lunch with a friend? Why not! This is new to me and it has gotten me out of my box a little. It's been fun too. I'm praying that God will lead us to new family friends that we can share life, laughs and fun with.

I want to start making tiered platters. I am interested in learning photography. And refinishing furniture.

I am going to go to work when school starts this year. I have already put in one application at the school district. I don't know that the job is a perfect fit for me but I need to start somewhere. My kids are growing up and what else am I going to do while they are at school all day?

So, you see, I do have plans. I do see a future. I am not so depressed that I have no idea how to function. I'm just sad. And a little lonely. And in need of some structure and routine in my life.

Or it could be that my husband has been working a shut down for 2 months and I'm tired of being alone with the kids.

Or that it's Father's Day and I miss my Dad today.

Or that I have my period....just sayin'!

But this is a blog and these are my thoughts and this is what you get when you put it all together....