Honestly, so many of you have told me that my blog is so funny that I am now having writer's block from trying to come up with something humorous! Ugh! And I started this thing so that I could see the humor in my life...who knew it was seriously that funny?!!
I was telling my sister, Jennifer (yes, my life is full of wonderful Jennifers!), about this new parenting thing I've taken up. I'm always looking for a better way to parent my kids. I suck at this mothering thing but Lord knows I'm trying! Anyways, I'm reading Love and Logic for birth through to age 6. Phenomenal!! If you have kids in this age bracket...get it. I think it's hard to explain though because my sister got quiet, said I was babying my kids, and kind of laughed that funny laugh that you know someone is doing when they think you are nuts but don't really want to tell you because they are way too sweet of a sister...well, yeah, she did that!
The basic premise of the whole idea is that you allow natural consequences to happen and follow up bad behaviors with a consequence that is in-line with that behavior. So...here's my example of the natural consequence. James decided to stand on a basketball in the living room while holding onto the wall. I mean really...we all know what's coming! I normally would have said "James, you're going to fall! Get off that ball now! Balls are for throwing, not standing on!" (Yes, I'm long winded sometimes.) Well, letting go of the control (which is so very hard for me to do because I'm a control freak) I let the natural consequence happen. Now, I have to say at this point, that had I gone into my speech James would have stood on the ball as soon I left the room just because I told him not to. So, the inevitable happened and he fell off the ball and slammed his head into the wall. He got up, rubbed his head, looked at me as if to say "why didn't you warn me?" and then walked away from the ball. Lesson learned...standing on basketballs is a dumb idea. I let the consequence do the teaching and I didn't have to do a thing.
They have this other great idea that "Love and Logic parents do NOT give warnings." So today when Kaylee was playing Super Mario on the DS and died she let out this high pitched screech in the car that I cannot stand. I said "Uh oh, so sad! I'll take the DS now." (By the way, you have to choose an empathetic line to say for all bad behaviors so that the kids know you mean business and know that mom and dad are about to follow through. Also, kids listen and learn when hit with empathy...apparently screaming just makes them defensive..go figure!) Kaylee looked at me and said "you always give me at least two or three chances!" Bingo!! I obviously needed to switch over to this new parenting style. Now everyone knows I mean business!!
Okay last one...they have this great thing called the Energy Drain. Kaylee and James started to fight (really their lives are just an ongoing fight with some time outs to catch their breath in between!) and I said "Uh oh, so sad! All of this fighting is draining my energy. Now how are you guys going to give me my energy back?" They both looked at me like I was nuts. I said "would you like some suggestions?" With nutball signs shooting out of their eyes they nodded ever so slightly. I then gave the fun part.."Some kids would clean the playroom. Some kids would vacuum the living room. Some kids would dustbust the kitchen." Kaylee opted for the second choice while James opted for the third. The kids thought it was fun which is fine by me. They stopped fighting, I got some chores done for me. Are you kidding me...why wouldn't I sign up for this! Bring on the sibling rivalry!!
Okay so I was rereading and I guess I have to explain why my sister thought I was babying. One more example to explain. Kaylee threw a piece of trash in my vehicle. "Uh oh, so sad! When we get home you can clean out mom's car and then dustbust it." While cleaning the car Kaylee starts to cry and says it's no fun and it's too hard. Instead of yelling "you're having to do this because you threw trash! Maybe if you threw it where it belonged you wouldn't be here! Dry those tears and just get it done!", we are supposed to empathise and say "I know it is hard isn't it. It's so sad that you have to do this." That way the consequence is still teaching rather than the parent yelling which again, apparently does nothing in the teaching department but does build up resentment and grows rebellious children. I get Jen's point too though, as a fellow control freak, this does sound like babying.
That's all the Love and Logic I've got in me for today!
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